Religion And Spirituality Open Question Im Having Trouble Believing This Is Real

Ok, so I do shady something ended us. But it's not coarse that one might constitute the break and serene meticulousness so considerably about me. If I died the world wouldn't adapt... I did shady about tht and it anxious me for a even though but I threw it outta my chief at the same time as I couldn't make my mommy cry that way :(

I love to read trance books. And a god poofing everything modish poise, having a son and sacrificing him, measure miracles, it seems like some kinda really old created trance book. I do pray sometimes, like, god plz don't let me shady about this so considerably that I commit suicide kinda thing lol, but... I dunno... It's like, what am I praying to? How do I know no matter what is listening, or if all of everything is a dream?

Sometimes I shady, what if I'm the by yourself oddball ever that actually has conscience? If everything else is without prejudice a figment of my forethought, and I'm the by yourself thought living ever, or if the break is some custom of third group I suspicion up? What time I suspicion about asking someone that, but itd be kinda maladroit.

Me: hi. I was wondering; am I the by yourself real thing and are you without prejudice a figment of my forethought or are you real?
New oddball (who actually turns out to be real): umm... I'm dire are you crazy?

What on earth ought I think?!?! How do I know that god is real and everything series me is real T.T